Friday, April 30, 2010
I don't really like leaving Khairaldin behind for more than an hour. I get rather restless thinking if he's ok. I also don't really like the fact people have to wash him up if he poops or if he generally needs attention. But, on top of all that, we just wanna have some time alone. Just the 2 of us. My brothers are all so willing to take care of him. I know they'll do a great job so, I'm leaving him for more than an hour next week to have some dating time with Hubby love. :)
Although it's been hectic thinking of things to pack for Khairaldin, I still managed to sneakily get myself ready for the date. Hehehe So, both Khairaldin and I went to town yesterday to get our necessities. As for him, it was his biscuits and some chocs. For myself, I had to get physically emmm yummy?! LOL! It's been way too long. It felt like going on a first date all over again but this time I was carrying a baby with me throughout the shopping duration! Couldn't ask for more! It was superb :)
What did I get my hands on? First it was the toiletries. Believe me, with only £5 I managed to get all these; 2 YUMMY body scrubs, exfoliating gloves, body sponge and body spray.
Then it was the outfit. Gotta love Primark for their bargains! I managed to get a £2 blouse and it's pretty! Doesn't look like a £2 blouse at all ;) I will put a picture after the date. LOL! Don't really want *him* to see it before hand ;) Ok, it ain't all that saucy but definitely worth the £2. Hehehe
If you wanna know why I'm still in the UK and not the beautiful Sunny Malaysia, this is mostly why- SHOPPING! Where can you get toiletries for that price? As in RM5? Or even a RM2 top that will look decent? Alright some of you might actually convert £5 to RM30, even so, could you get those things? I love the UK! You don't need to earn a lot to lead a decent lifestyle. I wish Malaysia could do the same too. It's sad looking at only rich people can keep themselves pretty. It would be nice if those less fortunate could also get their hands on some good stuff at fraction of the price, at least.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
This entry is longgggggg overdue! It is a continuation for this and this entries. I'm so sorry for being a procrastinator. I've been doing a lot of reading and get really excited and if possible want to share it with all of you straight away! So that's why I keep changing from topic to topic. I try to accommodate my writings to readers preference. Insha'Allah. If you all have any topic in mind at all, do give a shoutout so I can do research on it. Insha'Allah.
Just for the record, I'm doing some reading on home schooling. As soon as I finish the Wedding entries, I will get started on the 'home schooling' entries :) In case some of you are eager to know, the books I'm reading are supporting home schooling to such an extent! I'm not planning to home school Khairaldin but these bookS are making it too appealing! *Stay tuned* But please bear with me as in between those 'educational' entries, there will be stories of my precious baby boy. It's something I would want him to look back and read through. Insha'Allah.
So, moving on. Here's the excerpt from the book regarding children's right to sleeping arrangement. 'The child has the right to have an independent or separate sleeping arrangement. This comes from Prophet's saying: "Instruct your children in praying at age seven, punish them if they fail [to practice] at age ten; and let them sleep separately from one another" Authenticated by Ahmad Ibn Hanbal. The sleeping arrangement will be a separate room, a separate corner, a separate bed/mat for each child (especially during adolescence).
There is a dilemma in this regard that has to be mitigated. The average size of a Muslim family is 6-7 children. How many families can afford to provide separate sleeping arrangements for them?'
Basically, here it shows that family planning is permissible. Spacing of children and adjusting the numbers to the family's means are a part of the solution as well as improving the housing situation of the family. There are many reasons given but like I said, it is how we would want to pecieve it. Do always pray that Allah will show us to the right path.
Alhamdulillah, I have now managed to finish up my entries regarding family planning in Islam. I really hope all of you have managed to benefit something out of these entries. Whatever our question may be, always remember that the answer is in the Al-Quran and/or Sunnah. Since these are the only guidance we have left for us now, let's try and make full use of it.
I pray that we will all be guided to the right path. Amin.
Ps: JazakAllah Khair to all of you who have stopped by to read my entries. Even if I don't get that many comments, your frequent footsteps show that you've enjoyed my entries. Alhamdulillah, I'm really pleased that I can share all of that I know with others whom are interested. Thank you :)
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Sunday, April 18, 2010
Anyway, as some of you might already know. I've been wearing hijaab since I was probably 10 years old? I'm glad that I've got an elder sister because she was the one who started wearing hijaab first and I kinda follow suit. I've never regretted my days with hijaab. It was tough, in a way that almost all the girls I know don't wear hijaab. Amongst my friends, I'm probably the only one with hijaab (but now, a few have started to wear it). Since I've worn hijaab since small, I kinda knew the good points of wearing hijaab. Alhamdulillah. I've never seen it as a burden because to me it's just putting an extra clothing on (in a decent way) which is so much easier because I don't need to worry about bad hair days or even how to style my hair up. hehehe
I've been wearing the same ol' 'tudung bawal' ever since I can remember! So recently, I found a shop that sells those shawl type of hijaab at a very cheap price. Tudung bawal is so pricy I tell you! Probably about RM40 for a good quality tudung. Since I love colours oh so much, I obviously can't only own one tudung right? I always ask my Mom to buy the latest and updated tudung. But after a while, I just got bored of tudung bawal.
I then tried those pattern like (Tie Rack) scarves. It worked well for awhile but the material is somewhat too short&thin&silky. I couldn't be bothered to iron it everytime I have to go out and having a baby is a definite on-the-go-grab-what-you-can situation, almost everyday! Obviously Tie Rack scarves didn't work on me except for certain occasions.
Now, I'm giving the shawl like hijaab a try. I love it! I always thought it was so hard to put on but actually it is sooooo much easier! I only need 2 pins to get the look I got (quite messy but will learn in time Insha'Allah). :) It's definitely the on the go type of hijaab with a definite touch to it. However, I've only worn in the house as a show for Mr Hubby. hehehe He's always liked the 'lilit' type of scarves and he loved this look. I'm not too sure of the look though. Having been in bawal for umpteen years I've became rather comfortable with the look.
So readers, here's your chance to give your very own constructive criticism. :D Do you think I can get away with this new look without people turning their head thinking, what in the world is she donning there! I very much appreciate it if you guys could vote the looks that looked rather OK on me. I'm not going for beautiful hahaha But rather, hijaab-ed look for yours truly ;) Thank you very much in advance for your time and for boosting my confidence (in any style you choose).
Ps: I know how it's not really hijaabi(?) of me to wear 3/4 sleeves and not covering my front part. Insha'Allah, I am trying to wear ONLY long sleeves & longer hijaab which Insha'Allah covers my aurah. So, please don' judge. I am slowly trying to cover as much as I can. Please pray for the day to come sooner rather than later. Amin.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Don't get me wrong, I loveeee spending time with my Husband and baby all day & night long! I would wake up a few minutes early just to see them sleep. It's just serene! But at times I just wanna go out and be with my friends. Which is highly impossible coz all of them are in Malaysia. In the UK, there is no such thing as friendship. You are either a colleague, uni mate/classmate. They don't really see the 'bond' in friendships. Even though I've been in the UK for 8 years now, I still don't see myself as having a true friend. Then again, that's maybe because I don't really mix around.
I'm also not looking for a job that pays big fat cheque at the end of the month. I just want something rewarding to do. I don't even mind becoming a volunteer for certain organisations. Money definitely won't push me to get a job. Big money means less family time. That's how I look at it. I guess all I want is to do something different for a change. A 9-5 job is definitely not an option to make things different/better. I'm sure this is just a phase because Khairaldin is more independent (eating on his own & slowly walking) now. Once he starts to speak and learn to read, I supposed I would feel more needed as a Mom.
I'm looking forward to the day when I have to read him goodnight stories (I have a whole stash of books just waiting on the shelf). I'm looking forward to the day I can teach him Alif, Baa Taa.. ABCs and 123. I'm looking forward to being there when he needs help with his homework. I'm looking forward to walk/drive him to school. ....... Now I realise how much I want to be a Mom more than anything else in this world. I want to spend as much time as I can with my child before he grows up and say, "Mommy, I'm leaving soon". At least when that time comes, Insha'Allah I'll be ready to say "See you soon" even though I know deep inside 'soon' will be ages to come. He's a boy, I have come to realise that boys are different to girls in so many ways when it comes to emotional feelings.
And when that 'farewell' comes, I will put a smile on my face because I know I have been there for him throughout his childhood. :)
So, a Mom & Wife, I will be for as long as I am given the opportunity to do so.
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Saturday, April 10, 2010
In Islam, we have the holy book Quran and Sunnah to guide us through this world and hereafter to make life so much easier and not a burden (like I always say and keep reminding myself). If in the Quran and Sunnah doesn't state any prohibition on certain things, then it's not our right to say that a thing is 'Haram' or 'Bida'ah' without any solid proof. Religion and tradition do come hand in hand. One cannot dismiss tradition without any valid reason. So, if something from the tradition might bring trouble to your life then of course you can choose to dismiss the tradition. Reason I say tradition is also important is because, we might want our wedding to be simple and Islamic but there are a few odd people wanting us to 'spice it up' by putting some tradition into it. Somehow, we are adamant that we don't want to and after all, it is our big day so our choice? By telling the person "No, I don't want to!", in a way it could offend them and in Islam we are supposed to care about other people's feeling hence by offending the person our 'Islamic' intention would end up being "Un-Islamic". It is important that we know how to answer these type of people without offending them. Let them know the reasons, for instance, "no I can't because it's really over my budget and I do not want to get into debt just for it. Furthermore, our religion HIGHLY encourages us to avoid debt". Here's an excerpt from Tirmidhi "Whoever dies free from 3 things- arrogance, cheating and debt- will enter paradise" also "The soul of a believer is held hostage by his debt in his grave until it is all paidoff." So, little things like this could help us stay away from such miserable debts. Insha'Allah. Hopefully by reasoning with these type of people might make them fully understand our intention. If they insist and want to pay for it, then that's ok since we are not putting ourself into debt even before the big day. Furthermore, in order to get married we have to be financially stable.
Again, I would like to remind my readers that it is not our right to say those things listed in the list below is either 'Haram' or 'Bida'ah'. For as long as you have the money to organise a big wedding and still can support your wife later on then go on, spoil yourself! Personally, I would rather be moderate in spending during the big day as it might end up being the "talk about" wedding. Also it's better to spend the hard earned money with the husband-to-be to start our new journey ahead :) Oh yeah, always remember though, whatever money we spend has to be fair and not waste them unnecessarily. An excerpt from Sahih Bukhari & Muslim: Abu Hurayrah reported that Prophet (peace be upon him) said "The worst food is the food of the wedding feast (Walimah) to which the rich are invited and the poor are left out. If anyone rejects an invitation, he has rebelled against Allah and His Messenger." Not only the food have to be Halal but also have to make sure of whom the attendees are. Also for those being invited, it is AGAINST the Sunnah to refuse an invitation to a Walimah, without a valid excuse.
Now, I list down the things that have been adopted from the Christian religion. It is up to you to evaluate how many items mentioned below have became important and even compulsory parts of a wedding in our community and to assess the consequences of such rite. Wallahualam.
Engagement rings (Cincin tanda/merisik in some cases)
This began in the Roman Era and later carried on by the Christians. They believe that engagement is a contract sworn before witnessed and solemnised by a ring. If either of them died, they are still being considered in the Will. They also believe that it is bad luck to lose or damage the ring as future happiness will be jeopardise.
In Islam however, it's suffice to say that there is no concept of engagement. The Sunnah is to marry the couple without unnecessary delay once they have agreed to marry. Money and people's time will not be wasted having to attend one too many ceremonies.
The Church of England suggest a reason for choosing the fourth finger on the left hand as the wedding ring finger (but I think our tradition is to wear it on the right hand) : The English 'Christian' custom dictates that after the Priest has blessed the ring, the bridegroom should place it, first, on the bride's thumb with the words; "In the name of the father" then on the index finger "and the son" then on the middle finger "and of the holy ghost" and finally on the fourth finger "Amen".
There are also a few superstitions come with the wedding ring:
1) A wedding ring must never be bought on a Friday as it is an ill reputation day in Christianity.
2) Should not be bought through mail order catalogue as bad luck from others could be absorbed.
3) The ring must never be put on before the ceremony or at any time by anyone but the owner. (I know this is something the Malays do. If other than the owner puts it on, they might end up marrying the person who put it on first!)
Fashion and the aristocracy introduced the white wedding dress. White epitomises purity and also is said to deter the evil eye. At Orthodox Jewish weddings the groom as well as the bride wear white.
Christians started this tradition. Crowning typifies purity and at early Christian weddings the couple were crowned by the Priest after he had blessed the marriage. The importance of wearing a crown is held in such a high esteem within the church that in some regions the crowns were bought by the parish and lent to all so that brides rich and poor might appear 'at their best' on their wedding day.
Wedding cakeThe main origin is the Christian Church. The ritual text has been reiterated many of times. Again, it is used as blessings from the Priests. The Christian culture also believes that its symbolic meaning is that the cake is considered to become the body of Christ. Which will then follow with a wine session.
**I don't want to overload all of you with loads of info in one entry so, I will continue on a different entry about cake cutting as it is in depth and will be an entry on its own. If you are still interested, I will also write up on traditions that have been adopted from the Indian traditions. Insha'Allah.
Thursday, April 08, 2010
This year seems to be the year of getting hitched for most of my friends and Iskandar's friends and also some family members. It's a shame we couldn't attend any of the weddings. I LOVE weddings, in case you didn't know ;) But I've only attended a handful of weddings and mostly it's from immediate or close relatives. Being in the UK restricts us from attending some of our close friends big day. I had to miss my own best friend's wedding. Sad sad :( I've now accepted the fact that I am only able to attend 'virtual' weddings. LOL! So if that's the case, then I am ok with it :)
Anyway, Khairaldin's been 'clearing' up our books that we have 'put aside' thinking we won't need it for a long long time. While he was clearing up, I saw a book that my Mom got fairly recently. It's called 'Wedding Customs & Non-Islamic Traditions'. I've read this book before, but it was way after my wedding :( It is such a good book to read if you are ready (or not so ready) to get married.
I know a few people who thinks wedding is a burden. I can't agree more! Wedding receptionS ARE a burden! And guess what, this is self-imposed by ourselves and not our religion- Islam! Most of our friends are not married because of the high expectations on wedding ceremonies. To hold an extravagant ceremony is only an exhibition of one's wealth. Impressing people during a wedding ceremony is a MUST. So we have to incur unwanted costs to make the wedding a 'memorable' one. After all, people who hold simple weddings are labelled as poor or miserly. Isn't that right?
Hosting wedding ceremony is a pressure! You not only get pressure from direct family members but also from social pressure, even from those who are not married! They either want you to hold a wedding that is against Shari'ah or simply an unislamic wedding. I've been through it. However, reading this book has made me realised that these people have personal vested interests. They want you to host such a wedding so it's easier for them to host the same type in the future. After all, you did it, so why can't they? This is only a way of Shaytan trying to say that 'if everybody is doing it, it can't be bad!' Have you not felt that way before? If majority of people are doing it, you'd feel less guilty. After all norm is normal.
Allah (SWT) have made our religion easy for us. A religion where it will fit anyone and everyone (poor, rich, disabled, abled etc etc). HE has always been fair in everything HE planned for us to live with. Why do we have to make life so complicated? Here's an excerpt narrated by Abu Dawud: Anas (RA)reports that Prophet (peace be upon him) said "Do not place hardships upon yourselves, otherwise Allah will put hardships upon you. Any nation that chose hardship was put into hardship by Allah."
So make like easier. Marriage is not a ritual but an act of 'Ibadah. It is a contract between the groom and the bride, with the bride's guardian, two male witnesses and a Mahr. There should also be a public celebration (walimah) open to all to let others know of the marriage. Somewhere along the way, we have made it difficult by getting into debts to do an extravagant wedding that only take into acount the tradition. Nikah ceremony has remained intact but sadly, this is the event with the least number of attendees. It's truly a shame!!!
If I could re-do my wedding, I would try and do it as Islamic as possible. However, that ship has sailed and this is only a mere reminder for my brothers and sisters in Islam. Let us change and start a new wedding reception as Prophet (peace be upon him) said "Most blessings is in matrimony which is simple and free from trouble." Also Prophet (peace be upon him said) "He who chooses for himself or herself the mode of a people (customs and rites) will be regarded as them."
We pray to Almighty Allah this entry (and followups) will become a source of inspiration to conduct weddings in accordance with the Quran and Sharia'h. AMIN!!!
Ps: I will write a follow up entry on the significant of engagement and wedding rings, wedding dress, the tiara, wedding cake & cutting cake and flowers in the Christian belief. We follow other rituals but sometime we do it blindly. Time to open our eyes and think for ourselves. Insha'Allah, I will not delay these entries.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Ever since Khairaldin started solids, he only have about 2 long sessions of bf. I was so worried because I didn't know if he was having enough milk. I started his solids with cerelac then rice porridge with potatoes, carrots, chicken/fish and some other random veges which I blend it all together. His portion of food was filled with almost all the vitamins and nutrients needed at his age. So, I think that's may be why he didn't need that much milk. I see no point of expressing any milk since he doesn't drink from bottle.
Three months later (at 9 months old), he retaliates when I feed him his 'normal' food. He will shut his mouth real tight or just scream his lungs out! It's very very depressing to see him acting that way. He was once the baby who would open his mouth to anything put on his lips. But not anymore. Before the food gets near his mouth, he was already shutting it real tight and dodging it!
So, I started reading and asking around (Facebook status) on how to feed him. Almost everyone recommended to let him feed himself. It worked well. He liked how he can touch and feel his own food. I gave him roast potatoes, carrots and some chicken. Although it's working well on him I became even more worried because I don't know if he's eating enough or not. I can feel that he's losing weight but I'm not sure whether that's from crawling or learning how to walk or the lack of food consumed.
Since he started eating on his own, he's been having more bf than usual. Say about 5-6 a day. He's also having smaller portions of food but more frequent. Before, it was just 3 meals a day now it's 5 meals a day. I don't mind him having more bf because I know that I still have milk. I can feel my breast 'filling up' when he bfs. I'm really glad, Alhamdulillah, to still have enough milk for him.
What gets to me is, he bites!!! He now has 2 bottom teeth. Since my letdown is slower than before, he decides to bite is so it'll come out faster hehehe. Am I complaining, no, not at all!! I just let him off my breast for a while if he bites, then let him back on. I'm still determined to carry on this breastfeeding journey regardless of what others think. My baby can drink from me until he decides he doesn't want anymore. After all, now I know he wants milk because he'd come crawling to my breast (surprisingly just the right breast) and try to lift my shirt up. Too cute!
My advise is, if any of you is going through such a stage, let the baby decide on their own. At 6 months old onwards, babies know what they want. They can think and tell you whether they want food/water/milk. Listen to the baby. Don't ever force food into their mouth if they don't want to. Try some other things. Once they know how to cry, trust me, they'll start crying for no reason at all. If possible, don't let the baby cry out. Ever. Ever. :)
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Thursday, April 01, 2010
I've also been having a tough time with his meal time but managed to sort that out. Alhamdulillah. It only means I have more housework or tidying up to do. As long as he's eating, I don't mind doing tidying up.
Argh, I've so much to write but I'm seriously dozing off! Missing my blog and FB! :( I'll see you guys soon, hopefully!
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